When most people speak about jumping and hoping their parachute works, they’re speaking metaphorically. Not so Sarah Hayes, host of the very first Rural Women’s Day event in Western Australia, who names the day she jumped from a C-17 military transport aircraft over a foreign country as one of the best of her life.
This farm kid turned soldier turned barista turned dairy farmer is not your average country mum (if there is such a thing). She jokes that her friends would describe her as kind, empathetic and a good cook, while her family would say she’s independent, strong-willed and stubborn.
One thing is certain, Sarah is not one to shy away from a challenge.
Joining the military straight out of school in 2007, Sarah was drawn to the defence force by the idea of travelling the world, the physical nature of the work and the thought of the challenges the career would hold.
Sarah spent seven years with the Royal Australian Air Force and a further five years with the Australian Army.
When asked about where she was posted overseas, Sarah’s response is not exactly ‘I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you,’ but it’s in the ballpark; bound by the secrecy the Australian Defence Forces requires of its people, past and present, Sarah can’t share many of her stories but does speak of how fortunate she feels to have travelled to places that most people will never hear of, let alone have the chance to see.
“Small villages in mountains where phones are non-existent are my favourite,” she says.
“I can say I that it wasn’t all jumping out of planes though. I was involved in some peace time exercises with armed forces from other countries in places like the United Arab Emirates, Thailand, Hawaii, and Singapore, and I was also part of a border patrol security attachment for the Royal Australian Navy which let me explore the oceans and the islands off the north coast of Australia.”
Sarah is pragmatic about the lessons she learned in her time with the defence force and the things she carries with her in her daily life today. Discipline, respect for all living things including herself, and gratitude “for the life I have, and for the people I have known and lost.”
“I also learned that a lot of people just won’t like you or your ideas or your will, but that’s ok, they don’t need to. It definitely taught me the best course of action is to be yourself, to remain true, to be strong for yourself and how that would in turn mean you were being strong for others.”
Sarah remains an Army Reservist, and while rural living makes it hard to be an active member at the moment, it’s something she’d love to do in future.
Sarah first laid eyes on her partner Ben when she was just 10 years old. He was a mate of her older brother and lived on the dairy farm next door to her family’s place near Harvey in South West WA. And while it wasn’t exactly what you’d call love at first sight – “he smelt like the dairy and at that age I was fairly sure that boys had cooties,” says Sarah – he did leave a lasting impression.
The two stayed friends long after Sarah’s family moved away, dating briefly, before Sarah enlisted and they decided that long distance wasn’t for them. They never lost their connection though and years later in 2017, Ben reached out while Sarah was on a month’s leave from her role with the defence force. Sarah was travelling solo around WA in a hired camper van when Ben called to ask if she would stop in or if he could meet her somewhere along the way.
“Initially I said no because I needed some space to decompress after my most recent stint overseas, but in the end we caught up for a few days leading up to New Years Eve.” The reunion went well.
“Five days after I went back to work in Brisbane, Ben called to ask if I could pick him up from the airport. He wanted to make it clear that he wanted me in his life, so he flew across the country to tell me.”
As romantic gestures go, this was a good one. Sarah was ‘smitten,’ and the pair spent the next six months clocking up frequent flyer points travelling between Western Australia and Queensland every other weekend to be together.
“I decided that instead of going away with work again I would take my long service leave and attempt living with Ben on the farm and just see how it went. Spoiler, it went well!”
In 2019, Sarah discharged from the defence force and moved to the dairy farm with the boy next door.
“Ben and his brother are fourth generation dairy farmers and he has lived here on the farm his whole life. He lost his mum when he was just nine years old, and he has beautiful memories of her here that he talks about with our little boy to this day,” says Sarah.
“It was never a question about who would move for who. I always knew it would be me giving up my career if we committed to one another which was why I took so long to do so.”
In early 2021 Sarah and Ben welcomed Bodhi, a beautiful, energetic little boy.
“The day I was in labour I still got the cows in the yards with Ben. I was getting cramps but nothing too bad. I was flying along the paddocks on the quad bike and in the ute like it was any old Friday!”
It turned out to be a long and difficult labour though, and it took Sarah awhile to realise she needed some time to heal physically and mentally after Bodhi’s birth.
“I owned the local café at the time, and I returned to work six days after having Bodhi. I catered for an event of 400 people less than a week after giving birth - I was waddling around bleeding and sore, smiling as if I wasn’t in agony. Ben brought Bodhi to the event to be fed. At the time I didn’t see anything wrong with that picture,” Sarah says. But juggling a small business and a small baby took its toll.
“I didn’t realise it but I was suffering with post-partum depression. Bodhi didn’t sleep, and when he did it was in 20-30 minute intervals, even at night,” Sarah says.
“He hated his cot and he wanted constant contact with me. He was breastfed and although we tried a bottle early on, he never accepted one. He was a boob boy which is how I wanted to mum anyway so I thought it was fine, except that for the first year he wouldn’t sleep longer than 30 minutes in his bed, he had to be held to sleep longer, and he wouldn’t go to sleep without a boob in his mouth; it was hard.”
Sarah sought help when she recognised her mental health was struggling, working with a therapist over the phone and connecting with a group of other mums online. She also made sure she spent time each day outdoors, with her animals and the fresh air. “It gave me time to myself to feel fortunate and as simple as it sounds that worked for me. Whether it was the fact that I gave myself a break from the never-ending workload of house, work, child and family, or just the extra oxygen, I don’t know.”
Sarah advises anyone who is finding it tough to reach out for support. “I have a great respect for mental health and sometimes we all just need a little help.”
Fast forward two years and sleep is still a struggle, but Bodhi is now in his big boy bed for a few hours at a time, and excitingly he has a little sister on the way.
Sarah sold her business earlier this year, retaining a mobile coffee van - The Morning Motivator – with the aim of bringing more flexibility to her life, more time to spend with her growing family, and a greater role in the family business.
From her favourite spot on the farm, at the top of a hill by the old, original stone dairy, Sarah has a view across the paddocks and the creeks that criss-cross the landscape.
Spring is her favourite time of year; the calves drop easier, the weather is perfect and the smell of freshly cut grass and bailed hay fills the air.
“I have a gorgeous patio out from our bedroom which catches the morning sun. It overlooks a back paddock and the creek, as well as my veggie garden. Ben built us an amazing chook shed which I convinced him to expand into a pen for an alpaca and a sheep. He thinks if I had my way we would have one of every animal… he is not wrong!”
Today, Sarah shares her time between running the coffee van, being a mother to Bodhi, working on the farm and now studying agronomy.
“I want to play a more integral role on the farm and agronomy is a field of knowledge we currently lack in our business. We rely heavily on bringing in expertise to assist with soil nutrition and advising us with seeding and it would be really nice to have access to that knowledge ourselves,” Sarah says.
“For any women coming onto a family farm I am sure they know it is not always easy to feel included. Farms have been run by families for decades and just because you are competent does not mean you will be seen that way by everyone; they have all had their roles to play for a long time and having someone new step in is not always wanted.
“Finding a balance and finding your own place in the family business isn’t always easy but it is definitely worth working towards.”
It seems likely that if anyone can carve out a niche for herself it will be Sarah, with her combination of grit, determination and resilience.
She recognises this too.
“I do feel I have been through and seen a lot of pretty hard stuff in my life. I have not always been dealt an easy hand but I try my absolute best to show up and give 10,000%, no matter what the day.”
Follow Sarah at @saa_roar and @ruralwomensday_brunswick
This article was originally published in the 2023 Rural Women’s Day magazine - get your copy here.